The Tea — Mar 25, 2026

Today's throughline is receipts. Alan Ritchson's bodycam cleared him before the cops could finish their coffee, the Chappell Roan hotel mess grew a Kim Kardashian tentacle because the internet identified the security guard faster than any journalist, and Ryan Gosling told Hollywood to stop blaming audiences for empty theaters — then watched his movie gross $140.9 million worldwide as of March 24, 2026. It's a good day for people who brought proof.

• Project Hail Mary (Amazon MGM Studios): Ryan Gosling and Sandra Hüller's sci-fi adaptation opened to $80.6 million domestically in its opening weekend — the biggest debut of 2026 and a record for the distributor.
• SNL UK Season 1 (ITV/Lorne Michaels): The British edition premiered over the weekend, hosted by Tina Fey with Wet Leg as musical guests; mixed reviews but notable for allowing cursing and testing American sketch comedy's global format.
• Stallone × Tarantino 1930s series (undisclosed network): Sly Stallone, 79, is reportedly directing (not acting in) a period crime-and-showgirls series developed with Quentin Tarantino; details on format and platform still emerging.

Earlier this week, Alan Ritchson was widely criticized after an edited clip showed him punching his neighbor; on March 24, Brentwood Police said Ritchson's bodycam footage shows neighbor Ronnie Taylor stepping into the street and initiating physical contact.

Brentwood Police closed the investigation on March 24, confirming Ritchson acted in self-defense and that no criminal charges will be pursued. The key evidence: Ritchson's own bodycam footage, which according to The Hollywood Reporter shows neighbor Ronnie Taylor stepping into the street and initiating physical contact. The Los Angeles Times emphasized how quickly the initial edited clip reshaped public perception before all evidence was available. ExtraTV added that Ritchson had his children with him during the incident — context that shifts sympathy fast.

Ritchson declined to press reckless-endangerment charges against Taylor. Case closed.

What changes: If you're a working actor anchoring a franchise, this is now the playbook — document everything, release nothing until law enforcement closes the loop, let the fuller record speak. Amazon has stayed silent on their star, amid speculation they reviewed the footage.

What to watch for: Civil suits don't require criminal charges. Taylor told outlets he "doesn't wish the guy any malice," but that language doesn't preclude a lawyer. If an attorney announcement surfaces from Taylor's side, this reopens on a different track entirely.

The São Paulo hotel incident — where soccer player Jorginho's 11-year-old stepdaughter was allegedly berated by security — has mutated into something genuinely bizarre. Multiple outlets now identify the guard as Pascal Duvier, who served as part of Kim Kardashian's security detail during the 2016 Paris jewelry heist and was later sued by Kardashian's insurance company before a reported settlement.

The Daily Mail first reported the identification. Consequence of Sound published the mother Catherine Harding's response: "100% this security guard was not a security guard of the hotel. He looks after artists." Brazilian outlet Rádio Itatiaia confirmed Duvier was not hotel staff. Roan's rep maintained she "was not aware of any interaction between this mother/daughter and a third-party security office."

What changes: If Duvier's involvement is officially confirmed by Roan's team, the "third-party security" defense collapses. A guard with a documented history of high-profile security failures working around fans and children becomes a hiring-accountability story — not just a celebrity-behavior one. The question shifts from "what did Chappell know" to "who hired this specific person and why."

What to watch: Reddit's r/popculturechat is tracking Duvier's now-private Instagram and alleged connections to Roan's tour crew. If Lollapalooza Brazil organizers or the Tangará Palace Hotel issue formal statements distancing themselves, the blame graph narrows to Roan's management. Brazilian reporting cited: Rádio Itatiaia (Portuguese).

At a Project Hail Mary screening, Ryan Gosling said the thing every frustrated moviegoer has been thinking: "It's not your job to keep them open. It's our job to make things that make it worth your while to come out." Per Gamereactor, the quote went immediately viral.

Then the numbers backed him up. According to BBC reporting via Yahoo, Project Hail Mary has grossed $140.9 million worldwide as of March 24, 2026. Per AOL, as of March 24, 2026 it is the third most successful non-sequel, non-franchise film to gross more than $50 million overseas in the post-COVID era, alongside Oppenheimer and F1: The Movie.

What changes: This is a proof-of-concept that studios can't hand-wave. If original IP with no franchise pedigree can open to $80.6 million domestically, the "audiences only want sequels" excuse weakens. Every development meeting for the next six months will reference this number.

What to watch: If Project Hail Mary holds through the weekend, it becomes the industry case study for 2026. If it drops steeply, studios will argue it was a one-off star vehicle. The second-weekend hold is the real test.

Joy Behar criticized Carrie Underwood's performance at a Donald Trump event. Then, when Underwood sat down for her View interview, Behar physically left the table on camera. The other hosts carried the segment while her chair sat empty.

The List framed it as "polite shade." Yahoo noted that Behar and Sara Haines appeared in every other segment except the Underwood interview — which is why the show's official "production decision" explanation isn't landing. Insiders say Whoopi Goldberg was visibly smoothing things on camera.

What changes: This is The View operating exactly as designed — the tension is the product. But for Underwood, the walkout is either a PR gift (conservative media rallies around her) or a complication (it re-centers the inauguration controversy she's been trying to move past). Her next interview response decides which.

What to watch: If conservative media runs with "Joy Behar snubbed Carrie," that's a full content cycle. If Underwood's team treats it as a win and leans in, Behar accidentally did her promo for her.

Lorde has left Universal and gone independent — meaning she now owns her masters, controls her release schedule, and answers to no label. In a voice message to fans, she framed her original deal as one signed by "a 12-year-old girl who pre-sold her creative output before she knew what it would be like," per Rolling Stone UK.

She joins a growing cohort — Taylor Swift's masters battle, artists renegotiating post-pandemic — testing whether a major pop career survives outside the traditional system. The difference: Lorde isn't rebuilding from a dispute. She's walking away clean.

What changes: If her next era performs strongly without a label, it gives permission to every mid-tier and cult-pop artist with leverage to walk. The release strategy — streaming exclusives, promo partnerships, radio — will reveal whether she's truly independent or quietly rebuilding the same infrastructure labels provide.

What to watch: The rollout of her next project is the experiment. If it looks indistinguishable from a label release, the "independent" framing is branding. If it looks genuinely different, it's a template.

A 6'2" action star clearing his name with a chest-mounted camera, a disgraced Kardashian bodyguard allegedly resurfacing at a Brazilian hotel breakfast, and Ryan Gosling telling an entire industry to make better movies while his movie makes $140.9 million worldwide as of March 24, 2026.

Somewhere in Houston, a non-food-grade orange bucket is having the worst week of its life.

That's the tea. Go cause problems. ☕

If someone you know needs this in their inbox, forward it — they'll thank you when the Chappell Roan security guard timeline drops its next chapter.